ridiculous ending

i just realised.. my previous post is really lame.
and i am so ashamed of myself.
just so ashamed.

so ashamed that i am getting funny cramps on my leg.
i dont normally get cramps on my thigh.
there arent much muscles there to cramp.
but it is cramping now, and it feels weird!

anyway. i am blogging after probably maybe half a year
because i have a very serious statement to make.

my maid. is. SO COOL!

it all started when i was going to my parent's room.
and then.
i saw a plastic bag on the table.
and then.
i saw something on the plastic bag.
and then.
T.T
IT WAS A COCKROACH
A BIG BIG COCKROACH. T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T
ITS LIKE SO BIG.

LIKE

FROM HERE --------------------------- UNTIL HERE!

THATS LONG. FOR A COCKROACH.
AND ITS SO SCARY!
ITS LEGS ARE SO SKINNY BUT IT MOVES SO FAST!
MY LEGS ARENT SKINNY AND I CANT EVEN DO SHUTTLE RUN.
THEY'RE SKINNY LIKE ITS FEELERS!
>O<

-traumatised-

okay so i had no idea what to do.

i'm scared of feelers because they MOVE.
can you imagine your hair standing up on your head,
and MOVING?
O:
it would be cool but it is NOT cool on a cockroach.
so i called my maid.
'OMG PLEASE COME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE JUST COME COME COME'

and she was like watching tv.

so she came and then she was like WHAT.
and i was like

THERE IS A PLASTIC BAG BAG BAG AND ON ON ON IT THERE
WAS WAS WAS A COCK COCOKCKCKOCKCOKCOROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACH

and she was like whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut
BUT ITS NOT THERE!
and i said.
i felt like clapping my hands so i clapped my hands
and it ran away to the bed.

and she was like CHEY DON CARE LAH.

and i was like WHAT IF MY PARENTS ARE SLEEPING
AND THE COCKROACH COMES OUT ON THE BED
AND IT WILL BE SCUTTLING AROUND
AND EW!

so she was like whatever okay.
so she looked under the bed and i was
trembling from head to toe
and she's like OMG THERE IT IS
and now i'm like

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it was under the bed
so to see it better i lifted up the blanket.
and she was like YOOHOOO!
OH LOOKS ITS COMING!
but it wasnt coming, it was going the other way.
so i went to the other side and it really came out
and i was like
THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE LOOK HERE COME QUICK THERE

and she squatted+ran after it and up went her palm
and it went

BAM!

and i let out an agonising shriek of truama.

OH MY GOD.

she. squashed. a. humongous. cockroach. with. her. HAND.

so i ran and i ran and i ran and i choked and i screamed
and i screamed and my throat wasnt feeling too good
so there it was sort of a throaty scream
like AAAA-AA--A-AARRRRGGG--AAARG--AARRGHHHHHHHH

AND SHE'S YELLING JIAHUI TISSUE TISSUE TISSUE

and i was like WHERE WHERE WHERE

and i ran to the other side of the room
and then i ran back
i ran out of the room
i ran into my room
i ran out of it
and she says
ARE YOU STUPID ITS IN YOUR ROOM
so i run back in and grab it
and i throw it in the general direction of her
and i run and i run and i run.

and i was like gasping.

and right then my mum comes out of the toilet and
and she says

WASSUP YO.

and i'm like

sh-sh-she squ-s-squashed a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she goes to the window and she looks at
the plant and she says
aw what a cute pretty flower.

i feel so underappreciated and empathised in the world.

so when i THOUGHT the coast was clear i went back
to the room
and my maid is there
and she says stop screaming man.
all i did was squash a cockroach
and she shows me the BLOODY THING IN THE BLOODY TISSUE
AND I'M LIKE

AAAA-AA--A-AARRRRGGG--AAARG--AARRGHHHHHHHH

and then the other maid who was sleeping came out to have a look.
then i realised i was probably pissing my grandma off.

okay so i left.

such a traumatising DAY.
phew.
luckily...
ITS FRIDAY FRIDAY!!

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY.

I MISSED YOU.

MUACK MUACK MUACK.

WHICH MAKES UP THREE MUACKS.

you see people usually say muacks but thats
so insinceeeeeeeere! they should do it one by one.
yes slowly trip down the road to school!

i dunno i just suddenly thought of red riding hood.

all right man.
so i have nothing to talk about.
what a failure.
am i a failure?
yes i am a failure.

I AM EMOOO!!

let's have a emo parade!
ooh yeah!
yeah! all right man!
woo!
spongebob!

isnt spongebob like a spongey version of. bob?

oh man! imagine if he was called just bob.

HEY BOB.

then if he was called bobby, then it would be

SPONGEBOBBY.

LOL!
i dont know why but thats just funny.

HEY SPONGEBOBBY! WHAT A NICE PAIR OF PYTHOGOLEGO
PANTS!

YES PYTHOGOLEGO PANTS.
i just wanted a word for a complicated shape okay?

i am so stressed out by mousehunt now.
it keeps giving me the SAME OLD MICE ALL THE TIME.

i am SO SICK OF THE STUPID SPUD MOUSE.
WHAT THE HELL IS A SPUD ANYWAY.
A SPUD SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF THING YOU EAT
AND THEN YOU SPIT OUT BECAUSE THATS WHAT FARMERS DO.

THEY LIKE TO CHEW GRASS OR WHEAT OR FUNNY YELLOW STALKS
I DUNNO WHAT THEY ARE.

AND THE SPUD MOUSE LOOKS LIKE FREAKING PETER PETTIGREW.
I HATE HIM!
I HATE HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE A SPUD MOUSE.

AND THE PUGILIST MOUSE.
LIKE OH MAN!
WHAT KIND OF MOUSE HAS A MOUSTACHE.

oh and it has an eyeglass too OH MAN.
whats a pugilist?
lets go look it up on dictionary.com

.......................................

[pyoo-juh-list] Show IPA
–noun
a person who fights with the fists; a boxer, usually a professional.

i stare open mouthed at it.
usually when i imagine a mouse boxing it's wearing
the cat in the hat hat and the it has really scrawny arms
and its wearing those big glovey thingys that are usually red
but blue's cool too and then they'll be wearing the mcdonald
shoes yeah those big red ones and they do not look like a human
boxer at all.

but if i asked you to imagine a boxer mouse would you give it
a freaking eyeglass and a moustache that looks like.......
you know i dunno what it looks like.
it may not be a moustache.
it may be a piece of grey bacon.

oh i just reminded myself of green eggs and ham.
ohhhhhhhhhh the MEMORIES.

-wipes a tear-

i just got tired of talking to myself but
i had a great time peeps simply a GREAT TIME.

once again, peeps = me.
oh my life is so wonky upturned.

...and YOU KNOW WHAT!
i realised that the field mouse has got
wheat sticking out of his head.
TELL ME WHO WANTS WHEAT STICKING OUT OF HIS HEAD.
poor guy.
but its good for being a detective and stalking people.
then you could hide behind a car and people would
totally not suspect a bunch of wheat sticking out of a car.

but then they could get funky hairstyles!
and dye it all sorts of colours!
and get their own daily nutrition straight out of their
own head!

dear alethea

hey little penguin,
i have a confession to make.

recently i joined mousehunt because of
my extreme boredom.
i now sincerely wish that i
never never never joined mousehunt.
mousehunt gave me a curse. a horrible
horrible terrible curse indeed.

you see, all my tries at sounding
the horn failed and i never
got a single mouse, except for
the occasional really lousy mouse
that drops nearly no gold at all.
and i was so infuriated at this horrible injustice
when the really bad blow came.

i just sounded the horn indifferently,
not expecting anything
to come out of it, when something
bright green appeared
in my hunter's journal.

i caught the high roller mouse.

oh gosh i am so guilty right now.
but i thought there had to be something
i could do about it
so i investigated everything you would want
with those king's credits and without a second
thought i simply bought the super brie and 2 scrap metal
with as much king's credits as i could.

then i realised i couldnt send them to you.

i am like so pissed with mousehunt now.
cant they let us give freely?
like to loosen our guilt?

anyway its not their fault.
i'm really very stupid.
what am i gonna do with 2 scrap metal now?

i'm so sorry alethea! if i was given a choice
whether to get it or not i would choose not to.

what a waste. there were so few left and i wasted it.

good luck for the high roller ale, you deserve it :D

OH SO ITS TUESDAY?

hey hey hii!

yay today i woke up late!
such a luxury to wake up late!
waking up late is such a luxury!
but i'm getting kind of worried.
you see there's this lunatic bird living
outside our house, and every morning he will
come to our bedroom window
and start banging on the window like a woodpecker.
i used to pretty much ignore it,
i mean, i admired his strong head.

but today i heard the sound of glass cracking!
that bird is really truly fantastic!
perhaps it might be his beak.

anyway on to the main point of today.
i was goofing around on my phone when i received
a message from the tuition centre saying that the
lesson was changed from 7:30 to 5.
its the holidays you see.

so i look at the computer clock and it says
4:30
WOW!
IT'S 4:30!
AND OFF I GO RUNNING OUT OF THE HOUSE.
THEN I RUN BACK IN.
THEN I GO TO THE TOILET.
THEN I GET MY UMBRELLA.
THEN I RUN OUT AGAIN.

it's raining lightly and i'm in a good mood
i walk slowly up, i mean down, and then i take the bus
and there's nobody on the bus except this coolio guy
with sunglasses and rocky necklace thing and
this woman with hair all over her face no it isnt yanling
and she was sleeping.

so i go there
and the rain is like WOWZO.
and then my legs get wet and my arms get wet and
my pants get wet no its not what you think.
so i escape to the tuition centre and lo and behold,
there my teacher is.
and he's like what the hell are you doing here!
it is only 5 o clock!

and i pause with my mouth open,
then i say YOU TOLD ME IT WAS AT 5 O CLOCK!

and then he looks at the clock
oh it really is five o clock.

so i've won the fight then! woohoo!
i feel so triumphant!
i've scaled the highest mountain!
nobody can defeat me nowwww!

but he calmly looks at me and he says
'but it's tuesday.'

LO AND BEHOLD.

WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME.

and so i trudge home with a heavy heart.

i was actually defeated by the chiko teacher
of the secret caverns in the road opposite the
convenience store where i bought blueberry tea
to console myself.

so if anybody DARES to ask them what happened on this day
i shall tell them i went on a long, slippery wet walk
to buy blueberry tea from a convenience store 5 bus stops away
from my house because i did not feel like getting one from the one
downstairs.

oh by the way, the prata stall down there is undergoing
renovation!
yeah i saw them with a banner saying so
and inside there were workers and ladders and all sorts
of mechanical technical superchimical machines.
and they had thrown out all their washing machines
and pots and pans and tables and chairs outside in the rain
so there they lay looking very grand and wet.

look forward to their new look!

in the end, one faith always pwns

HEYO!

today was the last day of school.
it's sad. though somehow i have this feeling we'll all
be together.
won't we be together in spirit?
our memories wont change right?
like our customs and religions.

for example.

Rule number 1.
When you see a frog, shout 'TOMMY!' and go flapping after it.

Rule number 2.
When people accuse you of drooling, say it was your sweat.

Rule number 3.
Never WALK, always FLAP.

Rule number 4.
During prayer time, lay your head down on the table
so you will get a round red spot on your forehead that makes you
look even rounder than normal. EVEN MORE ROUNDER.

Rule number 5.
Always take note of the colour of other people's braces. It is
a knowledge essential for survival.

Rule number 6.
The people with egg-shaped heads are to DEFINE them.

Rule number 7.
Achieve the tongue length necassary to be able to see it
in your shadow when you stick it out.

Rule number 8.
The sounds one is able to make only comprises of:

-ACHOO!

-QUACK!

-PWEH!

and
-I AM MARY POPPINS AND I AM GOING TO POKE YOU WITH A STICK

Rule number 9.
- Any incredibly and tantalisingly blank page should be decorated
with jellymen doing the tango.

Rule number 10.
Once again, one faith always pwns!
Its a fact that we have perfectly nosebleed-enticing body waves and
S-line figures. And then we go GAGA.

i know this blog is less crappier than usual.
but i must put this on!

for one faith!
for 2010!
for me to have something to do that doesnt involve
vibrating embarrassingly with laughter in my chair
while people walk past
me and stare at me like i'm a yodelling unicorn!

and i am so proud of one faith
because we are the noisiest the laziest and the
ones who talk back the most.
we seriously piss everyone off man.
arent you proud!
arent you amazed!

i'm like so gonna treasure all the times
i see the red spot on weelin's forehead
and all the times we quarreled and clashed
and made teachers so angry that their flabs begin trembling
with ferocity!

we are like the most unperfect class ever!

doesnt it pwn?